He had a label
not unlike the label on the old jar at the back of the pantry
only his read RECLUSE not LENTILS
I wonder if the words of the Beatles played over in his head
had his troubles seemed so far away yesterday?
because today it looked as if they were here to stay.
Death is not always filled with peace and light and fragrant candles
it can be gross and smelly and disgusting
pain can overwhelm every sense
The pain
of regret
of loss
of words unsaid
of words said
The pain
of brittle bones
deep wounds
wounds of the flesh
of the heart
of the very soul
He asked me to bring to him
a team that
cleansed his wounds
held his hand
prayed with him
when he asked
gave him peace without him asking
by just being at his side
It was tough on him
and tough on them
but he couldn’t do it alone
any more
They came in time
they understood
what he needed
and didn’t need
and how he wanted it to be
they judged him not
He rediscovered
the love of his family
there all along
behind the walls
they had built
Gently I gained his trust
from a life of perceived rejection
he was cautious
As I left one night
he sat on the verandah, alone
I waved to him
I commented on the coolness of the evening
he simply said
feel my arm
I am not cold
I reached for the thin pale arm
this seemed to be my test
my non hesitation
to make skin to skin contact
gave me a pass
I sat
we talked for over an hour
about many many things
He told me he was a different man
to the scared and shy man that
had come through the hospice doors
ten days ago
He felt accepted
for the man he was
his illness
just a part of him
Now he has a different label
It shows the dates of his life on earth
Wherever he is
I pray he is now
surrounded
by peace, love and fragrant candles
and the knowledge
that he was loved
— Mary Death worked as a palliative care nurse for 25 years. Now retired, she is a funeral celebrant based in Wellington.